Inside, you’ll discover two essential things that can make a significant difference in your child’s life, especially when you’re navigating the challenges of parenting a strong-willed or emotionally intense child.
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### Table of Contents
I’ll always remember a bumpy wagon ride through a strawberry field from three years ago. It was a bright summer day, and my two daughters and I had just filled our baskets with fresh strawberries. However, the wagon that was supposed to take us back to the country store was nowhere in sight.
“Oh no, we have to wait,” I thought, realizing that waiting can be a nerve-wracking experience for some parents. If you parent a strong-willed or intensely emotional child, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Just as I had that thought, my three-year-old dashed off into the neighboring strawberry row, searching for the biggest and muddiest puddles to stomp in. While trying to manage her, I turned around to find my five-year-old completely covered in strawberry juice. She had skipped the “purchase before you consume” rule entirely.
As my anxiety grew, I scanned the strawberry field for our wagon, trying to ignore the judgmental stares and occasional laughter from others. I pondered, “Why does this always feel so hard?”
Fast forward two years, and we welcomed a son into our family. Our 3-day maternity stay felt like the most relaxing vacation. Everything, from sleeping to eating, just seemed effortless with him. Now, at three years old, he reminds us to hold hands for safety. He’s like an old soul in a preschooler’s body.
He does almost everything we ask, and if he ever resists, a calm word of encouragement is usually enough to get him back on track. This astounds my husband and me every single day. Everything seems easier for him.
Meanwhile, our middle child hasn’t stopped moving or making noise since she was in the womb. Imagine how tiring that is for a parent. It’s exhausting. By her second birthday, she had run toward busy streets more times than I can count. She even hung from a chandelier at 18 months old!
She is adventurous, intelligent, and full of energy. Her first birthday cake was consumed with gusto, despite the mess it created. Raising her can be tiring but incredibly rewarding.
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**Dr. Perri Glass captured this dynamic well in a New York Times article:**
*”Every child is a different assignment. While we often say this casually, it’s hard to understand how significantly different those assignments can be. Some parents face more challenges than others—with more routine work, less gratification, and sometimes, more public scrutiny. It seems to be an unspoken reality of pediatrics and parenting.”*
There are many reasons why children are as they are, but let’s focus on three key factors:
1. **Temperament**
We’ve all heard of temperament, right? It’s the idea that many aspects of our child’s personality and character are set early on. Traits like activity level, adaptability, and intensity are largely inborn and not due to “bad parenting.” Understanding temperament can help make sense of raising a strong-willed child.
2. **Developmental Differences**
Child development isn’t always linear, and some kids experience more variability. They might face temporary delays in areas like cognitive skills, social and emotional learning, and motor abilities. These can significantly affect their daily lives. For instance, delays in developing executive functioning skills—a set of mental skills that help with self-regulation—can make organizing thoughts and behaviors more challenging for about 1 in 10 school-age children.
3. **Mental Health Factors**
We don’t often talk about it, but many of us experience mental health challenges at some point. Some children are predisposed to anxiety or mood swings, affecting each child differently. Even mild anxiety can make focusing and regulating emotions difficult.
Reflecting on that strawberry field day, I had an epiphany. Watching another mom with her calm kids, I realized parenting isn’t about comparison or perceived failures. It’s about embracing our children’s unique stories and strengths.
My commitment is to remember that the world needs all kinds of people. I’m eager to see my strong-willed girls make their mark with their determination. I’m also excited to see my easygoing son share his gentle nature.
Lastly, it’s my goal to help my children grow into their best selves, understanding and leveraging their strengths. As parents, though our paths are unique, we share a common goal of raising our kids with love and care.
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**Resources**
Having trouble teaching your child to manage their emotions? In this video masterclass, I’ll guide you step-by-step through effective techniques for helping your child handle big emotions, including some of my favorite calming strategies. [Click to watch now.]
