Inside: Discover the most crucial step in responding to a child’s emotional outburst, along with a detailed guide on how to put it into practice.
### Table of Contents
I’ve noticed a recurring theme around children’s behavior from my conversations with friends, clients in my therapy practice, and members of the Parents with Confidence Facebook community. It’s likely something you’ve observed with your child as well.
* “I feel sad and angry sometimes and I don’t really know why.”
* “He keeps freaking out on me ALL THE TIME and I don’t know what to do.”
* “Little things that never bothered her before are causing her to completely fall apart.”
We’re living in stressful times, and you’ve probably been feeling unsettled, unfocused, and overwhelmed. Imagine how your children feel, as they rely even more on consistency and stability to feel safe and secure.
When a child’s sense of safety is on edge, their brain’s emotional center—the amygdala—gets activated, leading to more emotional outbursts. It’s understandable that everyone’s emotions are heightened right now.
So, what’s the most important thing a parent can do when faced with a child’s emotional outbursts? Stop pretending they shouldn’t happen.
Your child won’t be able to process their emotions effectively if they’re not in an environment that welcomes and accepts all feelings, especially the intense ones. It’s uncomfortable when your child cries, and it’s natural to feel stressed or angry when your son acts out against his sister. This reaction simply shows you care as a parent.
However, this instinct isn’t helpful for raising an emotionally intelligent child. Emotions are real physical-chemical responses in your child’s brain, and trying to resist or suppress them doesn’t work. To help an emotional child, the way to handle outbursts is to work through them.
We often try to dismiss our children’s emotions with phrases like:
* “You’ll be ok, you’re not going to die from it!”
* “It’s not that big of a deal, you’ll be fine.”
* “Knock it off, that’s enough!”
But imagine how you’d feel if someone responded to your emotions with these phrases. It’s disrespectful and unhelpful.
Your child’s emotions need to be acknowledged and validated, not ignored. Addressing them helps prevent anxiety and depression. It’s time to learn how to stay calm when your child’s emotions are high.
1. **Reflect on Your Reactions:** How do you respond when your child’s emotions escalate? Do you react loudly, or withdraw? Recognizing your default stress response can help you choose a more helpful approach. Being a calm, steady presence is key to supporting your child in managing their emotions.
2. **Understand Your Own Behaviors:** Reflect on how your caregivers handled emotions when you were young. Did they dismiss how you felt? Understanding your history and nature can help you be more intentional in your responses to your child.
3. **Use a Mantra:** When stressed, your brain may revert to old habits. Redirect it with a mantra, like ‘Pause, and let it be’ or ‘I can handle this’. This pause helps calm your stress reaction and sets an example for your child that emotional expression is healthy.
Only by making space for their emotions can you then help them cope. Validating phrases like “I see you’re very upset and I’m here” make children feel seen and heard.
When a child’s expression becomes unsafe, it’s okay to set limits: “It’s ok to be mad, but it’s not ok to hit your brother. I’m here to help.”
### Related Resource
The ‘Calm Kids Set’ is a great tool for teaching children emotional regulation, now 40% off. [Get it here.]
Parenting an emotionally intelligent child starts with creating an environment where emotions are acknowledged and accepted. The current stress can become a chance for growth, helping foster essential social and emotional skills in children.
Listening to your instincts is often good advice for parents, but responding to emotional outbursts might be an exception. Good news: Raising an emotionally healthy child can start with small changes, like resisting your instinctive reactions to their outbursts.
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### Recommended Reading
– 75 Effective Calm-Down Strategies for Kids
– 10 Anxiety Symptoms in Children Parents Shouldn’t Ignore
– Understanding and Parenting an Angry Child
– 10 Simple Ways to Improve Your Child’s Behavior and Mood
– The Best Ways to Help a Child Cope with Anger
