Inside: Raising a strong-willed child can be challenging and complex, but these guidelines offer a way to do so with emotional health in mind.
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When you’re raising a strong-willed child, you know it deep down.
Every day, simple requests are met with defiance. Commands get questioned constantly, and by 6 am, you’re listening to a detailed argument about why it’s “perfectly fine to wear the same leggings to school three days in a row, Mom!”
This probably isn’t what you envisioned when you imagined having kids.
We often think our children will showcase us as great parents, obeying our loving guidance without question because that’s what “good” kids do.
Through conversations with parents of strong-willed children and observing numerous temperaments over time, it has become clear that something significant is often overlooked.
Some kids naturally comply, while others don’t, and it’s undeniably tougher to raise the latter. Every child is good at heart, but some simply require more time, patience, and understanding.
You likely recognize this already. Parenting a strong-willed child can be exhausting and at times feel overwhelming, stretching your patience to its limits.
The silver lining? When you approach your strong-willed child with intention and respect, they can become an extraordinary gift that you never knew you needed.
These 10 do’s and don’ts help you focus on what’s truly important: understanding your unique child and nurturing their ability to thrive in the world with their emotional health intact.
>>> FREE Master Guide for parents of strong-willed kids >> Less conflict, more cooperation. Click here to access.
The world thrives on diverse personalities, and your child is a force for change. Teach them to use their innate passion wisely and respectfully, and they will stand up and speak out for what’s right.
Strong-willed children need to feel secure, both physically and emotionally. Show them unconditional support during their highs and lows without losing your own calm. Set clear boundaries with confidence.
Save your frustrations for after they’re in bed—let those emotions out with your partner, not in front of your child.
In the early years of parenting a strong-willed child, you might wish they would just listen, change into their pajamas when asked, and stop questioning everything. As time goes on, you may start to appreciate the determination, passion, and leadership skills they exhibit.
By changing your perspective on your child’s temperament, you unlock their full potential and emotional well-being by genuinely accepting them for who they are, not who you wish they were.
Your child is intelligent and will hold you accountable. They notice when you demand they stop yelling by, ironically, raising your own voice.
Effective discipline with a strong-willed child means leading by example.
Related read >> How to Get Your Child to Listen Without Yelling.
Smart and spirited kids learn best through experience, so consider whether you’re demonstrating the traits you expect from them.
“Sometimes when you’re in a dark place you think you’ve been buried, but you’ve actually been planted.” This Christine Caine quote resonates deeply when raising a strong-willed child.
What sets humans apart from other life forms is our capacity for higher thinking and personal growth.
Strong-willed children are great at reflecting back our own weaknesses and emotional challenges.
Humans flourish when they embrace continuous self-improvement, and an emotionally intense, opinionated child can push parents to acknowledge that they don’t know it all.
It’s okay to question your parenting assumptions and to open yourself to the courage and vulnerability involved in raising a complex child.
Your intention might have been to discipline effectively, but you may find that relying on time-outs and taking away possessions only adds to chaos.
Reaching a “discipline dead end” with a strong-willed child is common because tactics like time-outs can incite feelings of shame and abandonment.
Not only do negative approaches fail to enhance behavior, but they can strain your relationship, making parenting feel bleak.
The negative cycle often breaks when you explore alternative, research-backed methods to discipline strong-willed children. The healthiest way to guide any child is to build them up, not break them down.
One challenging aspect of raising a strong-willed child is dealing with the inevitable judgment and criticism from others.
No one understands your child’s unique needs better than you do.
Avoid letting external judgments influence your approach to your child’s behavior or your discipline methods.
Parenting a strong-willed child often means setting aside your ego.
Science shows that kids are born with unique temperaments, yet with certain temperaments, parents can obsess over nurture instead of nature.
It’s easy to mistakenly view your child’s behavior as a reflection of your own identity.
Your child’s strong-willed traits weren’t caused by you (though misguided approaches can amplify oppositional behavior), and you’re not a bad parent just because your child resists leaving the park on the first request.
Your child is exploring their path, marked by challenge, questioning, and experimentation.
Many parents of strong-willed children share a similar determined nature themselves.
I recall my own stubbornness as a child, preferring to stay grounded than admit a mistake. This captures the true essence of strong-willed children.
To end a power struggle, avoid engaging in one.
When you collaborate with your child instead of clashing with them, life becomes significantly easier.
Setting aside the need to control, and viewing yourself as your child’s teammate, leads to constructive problem-solving and harmony.
Raising a strong-willed child isn’t easy, but the world can use people with the resolve and integrity to stand up for kindness and justice.
By protecting your child’s heart and nurturing their strong character traits, you can help them become a person ready to make a positive impact.
If you can navigate the challenges your strong-willed child brings today, you’ll witness them make a meaningful contribution to the world tomorrow.
