If you’re feeling overwhelmed with an ADHD child, know that you’re not alone. A child therapist, who is also a mom of a child with ADHD, has some tried-and-true strategies to help you move forward with clarity and confidence. Caring for a child with ADHD can be emotionally and mentally challenging, but these five tips are designed to help you keep perspective and boost happiness for both you and your child.
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#### Can I be honest?
There are days when I wonder how different my life might be if I wasn’t raising a child with ADHD. I imagine I’d have more patience, not having to use every last drop on managing emotional meltdowns. I fantasize about having a tidier house, without the impulsive raids on the ice cream or sticky messes left behind. I wonder if I’d be the “fun mom” more often, without the constant need for strict schedules and predictability.
These thoughts often arise on particularly overwhelming days, when having an outside-the-box kid seems especially challenging. On those days, it feels as though other parents have it easier and the family life I once envisioned has slipped away.
Fortunately, seven years in, these days are less frequent. Time has brought hope and growth. On days when you feel lost in the chaos of exhaustion, keeping these thoughts in mind will anchor you both in ensuring your well-being and that of your child.
##### Give yourself permission to pause.
When you’re about to lose it, remember that most situations with your child aren’t emergencies. You and your child will benefit if you take a break and then come back ready with a more supportive response.
When the world feels out of control, pause and reflect on your emotions and physical sensations. What’s really behind your frustration and anger? Are you upset about repeating mistakes or worried your child will never learn to clean up? Whatever you’re feeling is normal.
Accept your emotions as they are. They’re temporary, and working through them allows them to pass. You’re not a bad parent for having thoughts and feelings about your child’s challenges.
Being mindful and not reacting out of frustration helps you be the best parent possible and maintains your relationship with your child.
#### Finding Clarity in a Complex Journey
When you embarked on parenting, you likely didn’t anticipate the journey with special needs. It takes time, patience, and self-compassion to adjust to the unique challenges of raising a child with ADHD.
Often, great parents put pressure on themselves, mistakenly believing they’re responsible for behaviors linked to their child’s neurological condition. When negative thoughts arise, counter them with realistic affirmations like, “I’m doing my best, and so is my child,” and “It’s my job to understand ADHD, not to meet others’ expectations.”
Find support in talking to other parents, journaling, or other methods that resonate with you.
#### Focus on Strengths
Helping a child with ADHD involves emphasizing their natural strengths, not just their challenges. Highlighting your child’s positive traits can be a light during difficult times.
Even when defiance or aggression seem overwhelming, remember that your child is much more than their behaviors. Celebrating your child’s unique qualities is a wonderful part of parenting.
#### Managing Stress Effectively
When stressful behaviors become a routine, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Stress can lead to emotional responses, which might mirror your child’s own struggles with anxiety or ADHD.
Remind yourself that challenging behaviors are temporary. Difficult moments don’t define your child’s future.
Your child’s abilities to plan, control impulses, and self-regulate will improve as their brain continues to develop. With your guidance, they will learn to manage their emotions better.
#### Maintaining a Strong Connection
On days when patience runs thin, recognize it as an opportunity for relationship repair. Building a strong, caring bond is essential, especially for children facing extra challenges.
A day full of simple joy and connection can do wonders for both you and your child. Let go of strict routines for a moment, and focus on fun and laughter.
Time has shown me that while ADHD presents challenges, it has also taught me greater patience and appreciation for routines.
Pause, breathe, and remember that everything will be okay. Your child has a loving, dedicated parent in their corner, which is what truly matters.
This article was originally published on December 12, 2018, and has been updated.
P.S. Here’s more support for your ADHD parenting journey…
