**Inside:** Beyond school supplies and a new first-day outfit, parents often overlook one crucial element kids need for a smooth back-to-school transition.
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*”I don’t want to go to school, Mom.”*
With still three weeks of summer left, my 9-year-old’s comment took me by surprise. I asked her what was on her mind.
*”None of my friends are in my class, and what if all the other kids are mean?”*
She had a point. After checking with some family friends, we realized that none of her close friends would be in her fourth-grade class. While she seemed okay initially, the reality of the situation started to worry her.
Preparing a child for the new school year involves much more than brushing up on multiplication tables over the summer. Academics are important, but there’s another key element to your child’s learning. Without it, school can be much harder for them.
Listening and focusing might become tough. Memory and thinking skills could also be affected.
So, what’s this important factor for school success and well-being? It’s common for many families to have conversations like the one I had with my daughter at the beginning of each school year. Starting school is a big change for kids. Just as adults feel nervous on the first day of a new job, kids worry about the unknowns the new school year might bring.
Research shows that when children are anxious or experiencing strong emotions, the part of their brain responsible for logical thinking and memory doesn’t work as well. This is why we struggle to think clearly when feeling upset, worried, or under pressure. The frontal cortex, or our “thinking brain,” doesn’t function effectively if a child is emotionally upset.
In simple terms, emotions and learning don’t mix well. This explains why you might have forgotten your History class speech in Freshman year even after hours of practice. Stress and anxiety can override a child’s best efforts in school.
To help your child start the school year positively, you need to look beyond shopping lists and focus on helping them feel emotionally settled. Supporting your child through their big emotions may sound daunting, but it’s simpler than it seems. There are several steps you can take during the back-to-school transition to help your child feel ready and confident.
A safe and supportive emotional environment is essential for your child’s confidence at school. While we often hear about the importance of attachment during the early years, its significance continues as children grow. Maintaining a secure attachment with a caregiver provides kids with a safe emotional grounding.
Find time each day to engage with your child without distractions, meeting their needs for love and connection. When these basic needs, such as safety and belonging, are met, children are more prepared to learn effectively.
Creating routines to ease separation anxiety can also strengthen the parent-child bond and support their emotional well-being. Here are some ideas:
As parents, we often fall into the trap of talking more than listening during conversations with our children. Kids can sense when you’re genuinely present or just going through the motions with questions like “How was school today?”
Ask open-ended questions, allowing them time to express their feelings. Help them recognize their emotions (emotion cards and visuals can be helpful tools) and take this opportunity to listen and empathize without judgment or life lessons.
Being listened to and understood is not only therapeutic but also fosters emotional intelligence in children. They often need help with abstract concepts like back-to-school schedules, and making preparations fun can aid in their understanding.
Feeling some control over their lives is a vital aspect of managing stress. Allowing your child to make simple decisions about what to wear on the first day, backpack choices, or lunch preferences can help them feel more secure.
Listen to their concerns and encourage them to approach new challenges with confidence. Discuss what they enjoy about school and acknowledge the strengths you see developing in them each year.
When concerns arise, rather than immediately offering solutions, collaborate and problem-solve together. For instance, if your child is worried about lunchtime loneliness, discuss plans to address it. This collaboration helps redirect negative thinking toward positive, rational solutions—an approach rooted in cognitive behavioral therapy, which is effective in reducing stress and boosting confidence.
Being emotionally prepared is crucial for your child to perform well at school. Their mental health and well-being are as important as reading or math.
An emotionally intelligent child with a solid parent-child relationship is likely to have a successful school year. What back-to-school traditions have you found to ease your child’s transition?
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