Inside: A child therapist shares the most common mistake parents make when raising an emotionally intelligent child.
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Just by the disappointed look on my three-year-old’s face, I can anticipate what’s coming before he even begins to speak.
We’re at a playdate, and as I relax on the couch chatting with another mom about who’s had the least sleep recently, I notice a soft whimper. It’s my son. I see him slumped over, with his lips quivering, and I think, “Here we go again.”
He comes to the group of weary moms seeking comfort but meets responses of irritation and embarrassment instead. I say, “What’s wrong?” He tearfully replies, “Tyler said I couldn’t play with his truck anymore!”
Suddenly aware of all eyes on me, I feel a slight panic rise and instinctively say, “You’re okay, don’t cry.” Feeling rejected, he retreats to the corner, arms crossed and frowning, while I breathe a small sigh of relief. Crisis averted—or was it?
We’ve all been there—talking or trying to get dinner ready when the crying, whining, and screaming start. These can be the most frustrating behaviors, yet they stem from real emotions our children feel.
Can we admit that, as parents, we sometimes struggle when our kids express strong emotions? Unlike adults, children can’t calmly articulate their emotions, so their outbursts can feel disruptive, especially when we’re stressed and sleep-deprived.
Isn’t it ironic that, as adults, we become so overwhelmed by the natural emotions of the little people we’re responsible for helping to grow? We all know emotions are a natural part of being human, and our children definitely qualify as humans. We’re not at our most lovable during emotional times, either. So why is it tough for us to let our kids express theirs?
It’s partly because many of us never learned how to manage our own emotions properly. In the past, families focused on survival and productivity, not emotional intelligence, which is now recognized as crucial for success and well-being.
When we lack emotional intelligence skills like self-awareness and healthy coping, it’s no surprise our children’s emotional responses make us uncomfortable.
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Whether they’re at school, home, or a party, handling emotions is key to success in any setting. Think about how often your child must solve conflicts or use problem-solving skills daily.
To prepare our children for life’s ups and downs, we must stop downplaying their emotions. Teaching them to handle life’s highs and lows helps them become resilient and adaptable.
Statistics show high rates of anxiety (31.9%) and depression (12.8%) in U.S. adolescents. Emotional intelligence is now seen as vital for success in relationships and careers.
If your child’s well-being is important, it’s time to support their emotions, even when inconvenient. Allowing them to own and express their feelings is crucial for emotional development.
Identifying and labeling our emotions is the first step to processing them. When we dismiss our children’s feelings, we derail this process.
Here are four compelling reasons to let your children express emotions:
1. Ignoring their emotions doesn’t allow them to move on.
Emotions come and go if we let them. Facing and accepting feelings puts us in control.
2. Suppressed emotions resurface through negative behavior.
Dismissed emotions don’t disappear, and they’ll show up eventually, often as behavioral problems.
3. Denying emotions can lead to unhealthy coping strategies.
Children who feel their emotions are ignored may develop anxiety and depression from relying on others’ perceptions over their own.
4. Limiting emotional expression stalls emotional intelligence growth.
How can they learn to handle tough emotions if they’re never allowed to feel them? Childhood is the best time to explore calming and regulating techniques.
Related Read: How to Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child who Succeeds in Life
It’s time to establish a healthy emotional foundation for your child.
Avoiding children’s emotions may seem like a quick fix, but it leads to anxiety and depression. Fostering emotional well-being means breaking cycles by accepting their feelings.
As a child therapist and mom, I believe raising emotionally intelligent children will change the world. Changing habits isn’t easy, but small steps matter. Who’s ready to take on this challenge together?
Let’s use our children’s difficult moods and behaviors to teach them vital emotional intelligence skills they can use throughout life.
Let’s stop judging their emotions as good or bad and instead empower them to coexist peacefully with their feelings.
Allowing your child to identify and express a wide range of emotions is key to raising an emotionally healthy and well-adjusted individual.
Supporting your child’s emotions might mean more cold coffee and missed conversations, but it prioritizes their future emotional health.
Together, let’s push past our discomfort to teach our children emotional intelligence skills, ensuring they don’t just cope but thrive in life.
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Join 30k other intentional parents who receive the Parents with Confidence weekly email and get a 5-day FREE email course where you’ll learn:
* How to protect your child’s self-esteem
* How to gain your child’s cooperation
* The most valuable skill for the future
* Disciplining without emotional damage
Other parenting articles you might love:
* 10 Insights from a Family Therapist for Remarkable Parents
* 75 Calming Techniques for Kids {Printable}
* Positive Parenting Challenges? Here are 7 Reasons Why
* 5 Ways to Raise Good Listeners Without Yelling or Negativity
