Inside: Learn effective steps to motivate and encourage a child to listen and cooperate.
**Table of Contents**
I can’t count how many times I’ve thought, “If only these kids listened to me, life would be so much easier!” If I had a quarter for every time, I’d be rich.
Kids always seem to ignore us at the worst possible times, don’t they? Do they really need to choose this moment to insist on not wearing their red shoes? Why not save that for after preschool?
Power struggles with our children can easily derail our day, leading to nagging, threats, and raised voices.
If frequent power struggles with your child are stressing you out, you might find hope in recent studies. They suggest viewing power struggles differently and responding in a new way.
It’s essential to look beyond the ‘struggle’ and recognize a fundamental human need for power.
**Related Reading: Positive Parenting: The Ultimate Beginner’s Guide to a Happier Family**
Getting an immediate response when I ask my child to put on their shoes or start their homework feels amazing. It makes me feel acknowledged, heard, and respected.
The reason it feels so satisfying to be listened to—and so frustrating when we’re not—is because it fulfills a basic human need.
Here’s the thing: your child has this same need. A strong-willed child might even feel it more intensely. Your child needs to feel seen, heard, and respected just like you do, because this need for a sense of control is human.
“The Self-Driven Child” by William Stixrud, PhD, and Ned Johnson explores fascinating research on stress and motivation in both humans and animals. Their studies suggest that “the most stressful thing in the universe” is having a low sense of control.
Feeling powerless is a significant predictor of stress. This is why we often feel emotionally triggered when our kids don’t listen or when we’re stuck in traffic!
**Related Reading: 75 Effective Calm-Down Strategies for Kids**
If feeling powerless is so stressful, imagine how it affects your child in today’s world. Who decided your child’s school or breakfast this morning? Likely not your child.
Kids today often have less autonomy compared to previous generations. So, when a child doesn’t have their need for control met, they are driven to fight for it unconsciously.
To help kids listen more consistently, there’s a two-part answer. First, manage your expectations. If you expect your child to obey like a robot, you’ll be disappointed when they assert their humanity with a firm “No!” when it’s time to leave the park.
Recognize that every healthy, developing child will experience power struggles. Stay calm and focus on the underlying need driving the behavior.
Second, find ways to give your child power and leadership opportunities throughout the day. Studies show that when people feel a healthy sense of power and control, it leads to lower stress, better emotional well-being, and increased motivation.
Every human wants to feel in control of their environment. Here are some simple ways to help your child feel more autonomous today, which can also improve their behavior and mood.
When it comes to getting kids to listen without yelling or negativity, the goal is not just to handle power struggles but to reduce how often they happen.
Instead of wishing kids always blindly followed our instructions, let’s ask ourselves, “How much easier would things be if I listened to my kids more often?”
What ways have you found to give your kids leadership and autonomy in their daily lives?
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**Helpful Links:**
– 75 Awesome Calm-Down Strategies for Kids That Work
– 10 Anxiety Symptoms in Children Most Parents Miss
– Parenting an Angry Child? 10 Possible Reasons Why
– 10 Simple Everyday Ways to Improve Your Child’s Behavior and Mood
– The Best Way to Help a Child Deal with Anger Now and Throughout Life
