**Inside: Discover three key indicators that your usual parenting methods might not be supporting your child’s emotional needs and learn how developing new parenting skills can lead to improved behavior.**
**Table of Contents**
Suddenly, we found ourselves upstairs, and before I knew it, I was gripping the doorknob so tightly my knuckles turned white. Adrenaline took over my mind, pushing me to follow my inner script that said things like,
“She’s NOT in charge here, and she needs to understand that!”
“Stick to the timeout, you can’t give in now.”
“If I let her off the hook, she’ll become spoiled.”
Behind the door, my daughter was angry—an anger that’s really a shield for a deeper, more vulnerable hurt. Yet, the barrier we build lets nothing but frustration and anger come through.
Honestly, many of us would admit that our natural parenting instincts come from how we were raised. It’s no surprise that parenting is a learned behavior. We spent over 18 years witnessing our parents’ actions and responses, and we absorbed these on a deep level. In stressful moments with our kids, these learned reactions emerge.
For some parents, continuing down the path they grew up with works well, especially if their child’s temperament is easygoing. But for others, it’s a whole different story. In the past, parenting focused on survival, respect, and productivity, fitting the societal and industrial demands of those times.
Today, parenting has taken a new turn, and that’s a positive change. We now understand that tuning into our child’s unique temperament and emotional needs can greatly enhance their social and emotional development.
I realized I was parenting not based on my daughter’s needs but from my own emotional reactions and what I believed parenting should look like, influenced by my upbringing and societal norms. My daughter had shown, through defiant behaviors and slammed doors, that my approach wasn’t working for her.
If you feel you’re at a loss, stuck between frustration and exhaustion, here are some signs that your child might need you to shift your approach and adopt new parenting skills. Whether the issues are emotional, physical, or developmental, parenting can become more challenging. Adapting your style to meet your child’s specific needs can transform your family life.
You’ll likely need to dig deeper to understand what’s behind your child’s behaviors to find effective solutions. While it’s essential to set firm, respectful limits, children facing social, behavioral, or academic challenges will benefit from more tailored strategies than we may have had growing up.
**Resist the urge to react harshly and hear me out**—the world doesn’t revolve around our children, nor should it. Yet, children need to adapt to societal routines and authorities. Still, adapting our discipline and interactions to their daily needs matters significantly.
For many of us, it’s tough. We may think our parenting methods work well—perhaps they do for some children. But if there’s constant friction, your approach might not align with your child’s temperament or needs. We all respond better to different communication styles and learning approaches, and our children are no exception.
Acknowledging these differences benefits everyone. The more we tune into our children’s needs, the more successful our parenting efforts will be. This helps plant the seeds for emotional health and strong, healthy adult relationships.
Parenting today is quite different from previous generations, with abundant resources and information now available. It makes sense to embrace scientific insights that guide effective parenting methods. By reflecting on our own parenting values, we make intentional choices about how we raise our kids.
Some values might resemble how we were brought up; others might not. Recognizing the difference helps us become more conscious in our parenting decisions.
Ultimately, changing your approach isn’t about judging whether your parents were right or wrong—everyone does their best with the resources they have. It’s about whether you strive to do what’s best for your unique child.
I realized I needed to let go of the doorknob, the urge to control my daughter, and old parenting beliefs that didn’t serve my strong-willed child’s best interest. I needed to work with, not against, her.
Every child and family is unique. Aligning our parenting to meet our children’s distinct needs gives them a head start towards healthy development. Is it more work? Absolutely. Is it worth it? Undoubtedly. We only get one shot at this parenting journey, and while perfection isn’t the goal, we can aim to give it—and our children—our all.
**P.S. Want to become a Remarkable Parent?**
I’ve created a free email course just for you! If you want to be the calm, exceptional parent your child deserves, this 5-part email course can kickstart your journey. As a child therapist, I’ve seen these strategies consistently help parents like you. I know they can work for you too!
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**Want more resources on parenting from a child therapist?**
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