Discover effective parenting strategies that promote happy, emotionally healthy, and well-adjusted children, shared by a family therapist.
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At any moment, you might notice a collection of four or more parenting books on my Amazon wish list, a few stacked beside my bed, and an inbox overflowing with insightful parenting theories and strategies.
Child development is my profession, but I often find parents in my practice who are navigating the same sea of information. With advice everywhere and a society full of often contradictory messages about raising kids, feeling confident and intentional as a parent can sometimes seem impossible.
In my 12 years as a family therapist, I’ve witnessed well-meaning parents use strategies that fall short of meeting the emotional or developmental needs of their children. However, I’ve also seen more parents finding successful and healthier ways to raise their kids.
The insights I’ve gathered over the years align with current brain and behavioral research, highlighting the kind of parenting that best supports healthy child development.
Parents often overlook that kids learn through mistakes and immature behavior. The ‘magic’ occurs when a caring adult guides them back on track. We can become frustrated with whining and backtalk, but understanding that children’s brains are still developing helps us respond with patience and support.
Because children learn everything about the world from us, they need boundaries. Without them, kids can feel anxious and out of control. Rules can be set in a critical or shaming way, or communicated firmly and respectfully. Consider how you’d like to be spoken to at work and apply that approach.
Have you ever wondered what happened to your easy-going toddler when they suddenly had a meltdown during daycare drop-off? That’s separation anxiety. Kids undergo hundreds of normal and healthy transitions on their way to adulthood. Understanding this can help us respond to their behavior more accurately and supportively.
It’s essential to recognize what makes your child unique. When we understand them better, we know when they need extra support or where they will flourish. By comprehending what makes your child tick, navigating key areas becomes simpler, such as finding the best environment for homework or understanding why your daughter might want to return home from summer camp.
Without studying play therapy, most adults might not fully grasp the importance of play. Play is how kids learn and grow, so it’s crucial to allow time each day for unstructured, child-led exploration.
Children develop problem-solving skills when we let them. Our love for them makes it hard not to intervene, but parents often find their children can solve problems on their own if given the chance. Feeling heard is therapeutic and empowers them to think through issues and find solutions.
Kids, like everyone else, want to feel heard and understood. Although we claim our children are our world, parents need more than just their kids in their lives. It’s essential to nurture friendships, passions, and hobbies that define us. It can feel challenging to take time for ourselves, but it’s necessary for maintaining sanity and ensuring our kids don’t become responsible for meeting all our emotional needs.
Children closely observe our actions and learn from the way we live our lives. While this can be slightly inconvenient, knowing they are always watching can help us be better role models and teach them valuable lessons.
Related: Discover the impact of responding to your child with criticism and shame.
Fear and control are not effective long-term teaching tools. While they might seem successful initially, they don’t equip children with a strong moral compass or problem-solving skills. When children feel valued by our interactions, they naturally learn to value others and gain the confidence to make good choices.
The goal of parenting is not merely to produce compliant, well-behaved kids. While these traits are desirable, they aren’t the core qualities of a happy and healthy person. Teaching our children to understand their thoughts and emotions gives them the skills they need for coping and building relationships throughout their lives.
Changing parenting habits is challenging, but if it’s truly in our children’s best interest, it’s always worth it.
P.S. Want to become an extraordinary parent?
I’ve created a free email course for you! If you aspire to be the calm, exceptional parent your child deserves, this 5-part email course will guide you toward becoming just that. As a child therapist, I’ve seen these proven strategies benefit many parents, and I know they can work for you too!
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This article was originally published on Parent.co.
