**Inside:** Discover 6 typical behaviors that signal pre-adolescence in children and learn how to navigate them confidently.
**Table of Contents**
While parents often brace themselves for the teenage years, the challenges of the pre-teen stage are less frequently discussed but equally significant. It’s an important conversation to have, as the ages between nine and 12 are packed with remarkable developmental changes — cognitive, physical, and emotional. The speed of these changes can make you wonder where your delightful child went, and who this character from ‘The Descendants’ is standing before you!
Both you and your child might find this period unsettling and perplexing, but fear not, as there is plenty of hope. Let’s explore six common challenges parents encounter during the tween years and how to handle them with assurance.
One moment your daughter is eager to chat about her day over an after-school snack, and the next, she’s asking, “Can I just eat quietly, Mom?” She’s naturally beginning to spend more time with friends and less with family activities like playing Uno Attack. This shift towards her peers is an essential part of her journey to independence.
Despite the frequent eye rolls and exasperated cries of “Moooom!”, your tween still craves a strong, loving connection with you. This doesn’t mean bombarding them with questions but instead focusing on their interests and hobbies to foster meaningful connections. Now is the perfect time to become a better listener, which inherently means talking less. Continuing to provide a solid foundation of connection will give your tween the confidence they need as they step towards independence.
>>**Related:** What Your Daughter Needs to Know About her Emotions
Here’s an important point to consider: your child is likely entering puberty. With hormones flowing and major brain development underway, your child might struggle with emotional regulation despite experiencing emotions more intensely due to the growth of the prefrontal cortex.
Though it might be tempting to get caught up in the emotional ups and downs alongside them, it’s crucial to stay calm and maintain perspective. Recognize negative thoughts from your own past or fears about your child’s future and strive to remain the calm, rational adult that they need.
When your child asks, “Honey, are you feeling winter allergies?” they’re more likely expressing the budding awareness of others’ thoughts and ideas, thanks to significant advances in thinking. This newfound awareness drives their curiosity and desire to explore endless new ideas and experiences.
As long as your tween’s interests are safe, support them. Encouraging their creativity and respecting their choices fosters their emotional well-being. Although they may seem put off by your knock-knock jokes, they still value your acceptance and approval.
The rapid changes in your tween’s brain and body might make them feel insecure and overwhelmed. With heightened awareness of cultural expectations, silence from them can be troublesome and confusing. However, maintaining open communication is crucial.
Your tween still needs your voice, opinions, and values, so keep communication lines open while respecting their need for space. Engage with them when they’re ready to talk, reassure them that no topic is off-limits, and ensure they feel loved and accepted as individuals.
If conventional conversations become challenging, try other methods like collaborative journaling to foster communication.
Your tween’s preoccupation with peers might suggest self-centeredness, but they still have the capacity for bigger reflections and initiatives. Expose them to experiences that broaden their perspectives — whether volunteering or exploring nature — to enhance their worldview and sense of self.
>>**Related:** 5 Proven Ways Parents Can Raise an Emotionally Healthy Child
As your child approaches discussions and experiences related to topics like sex, social media, and first periods, take a proactive role. You’ve already established honest communication with your tween, which will make these conversations easier.
Approach these discussions with confidence, having thought through your values on the subject. Clearly express your perspective while allowing space for their own thoughts. When they feel heard, they’ll find rules like “no Facebook until you’re 13” easier to accept.
The pre-adolescent years are rich with transitions and growth. With a strong bond with your child, the tween stage doesn’t have to be daunting. Now that you understand the mental and physical shifts in pre-teens, trust both the process and your child.
Remember, despite their evolving appearance and attitudes, this is the same child who wore footie pajamas not too long ago. With love, confidence, and respectful support, you might navigate these years with ease.
**About Angela Pruess LMFT**
Welcome! I’m Angela, a Licensed Children’s Mental Health Professional, Positive Parenting Coach, and mom to spirited kids who teach me daily. I believe every child deserves to live their best life, and emotional health is key to lifelong success and happiness. Learn more about me and the Parents with Confidence manifesto.
