Inside: Discover the most common mistake parents make when teaching their children to manage emotions and learn a proven approach that actually works.
**Table of Contents**
When it comes to helping kids handle their emotions in tough situations, many parents make the same big mistake. We’ve all seen it: a child’s stress builds up while waiting for a delayed appointment, when a sibling grabs their toy, or after being denied another popsicle. As their frustration grows, so do the chances of a meltdown, whether it involves shouting, hitting, or throwing toys.
Our initial reaction is often fear and a quick punishment or lecture, thinking, “This behavior is unacceptable!” But this method is missing a crucial point.
We aim to equip our children to cope with the intense emotions that life inevitably throws their way. Yet, we’re overlooking something vital about helping kids manage anger and self-regulation.
Self-regulation means controlling emotions and actions to meet the demands of a situation. It’s about guiding behaviors towards goals, like waiting for cake at a birthday party or playing nicely with friends. Essentially, it’s about managing stress.
Research shows that self-regulation is key for social, emotional, and academic success, making it one of the most important skills for children to learn. Yet, the same kids we implore to “Get a grip!” aren’t developmentally ready to regulate their emotions alone. Their brains, particularly the part that controls impulses, are still developing, along with their sensory systems that process their surroundings.
A young child often can’t calm down without help. A more effective strategy is to envision a partnership (called co-regulation) to develop self-regulation.
As simple as it sounds, it’s challenging. Think about how you feel and react when your child throws a tantrum. Many of us instinctively want to escape, which leads us to send the child away. Ironically, what’s needed most during these moments is our calm and steady presence. Children have a built-in need for connection, and it’s our presence that bridges the gap their developmental immaturity creates.
Embracing this research-backed approach and collaborating with your child, these five steps will enhance their emotional regulation skills over time:
**Step 1: Be a Role Model**
Your child learns by watching rather than listening. How you handle stress is their blueprint. Self-reflection might be needed here!
**Step 2: Be a ‘Stress Detective’**
Every child has unique stress triggers, whether it’s lack of sleep, hunger, loud noises, or transitioning away from screens. Discovering these can help both of you anticipate and prepare.
**Step 3: Educate About Emotions**
In therapy, we use simple models from Dr. Dan Siegel to explain how emotions affect the brain, helping kids understand what happens during stress and normalize it.
**Step 4: Teach Emotional Intelligence**
Help your child build a vocabulary for emotions. Use visual tools to make this learning fun and engaging.
**Step 5: Explore Coping Strategies Together**
Help your child find what soothes them. Is there a space that calms them? Do they prefer quiet or physical touch? It’s all about trial and error.
**Step 6: Practice Mindfulness and Breathing**
Regular routines, meals, and rest help with emotional regulation. Teaching kids mindfulness and breathing techniques can profoundly calm their nervous system.
By shifting from a referee to a guide, your efforts will gradually pay off as your child learns to navigate emotions more effectively. With time and understanding, every child can improve their emotional regulation and have a fulfilling life.
P.S. Looking for more tools to support your child’s emotional growth? Check out our ‘Calm Kids Set’ that offers essential skills for lifelong well-being!
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