Positive parenting and positive discipline enthusiasts share a common experience. They’ve all faced self-doubt, insecurity, and uncertainty as they venture beyond traditional methods. Many worry that their efforts might be in vain. They’ve left behind familiar territory—marked by yelling and criticism—and are navigating the uncharted waters of cooperation and respect.
Adapting to change is challenging, especially in parenting. So, it’s perfectly normal to feel like you’re finding your footing while adopting a respectful and intentional way of raising your kids. Remember, if you feel like positive parenting isn’t working, you’re not alone.
Here are eight reasons why your new approach might seem unsuccessful and how to regain confidence in techniques that nurture your child’s emotional and mental well-being. Many parents, seeking to positively impact their children, are surprised to learn about the negative effects of traditional styles that rely on criticism and fear. This often pushes them to explore alternative disciplinary methods.
A core principle of positive parenting is setting firm, respectful limits. While focusing on respect, it can be easy to miss the mark on defining limits. If your child is testing boundaries—common in many developmental stages—make sure expectations are clear for each situation and confidently enforce limits.
If you’re raising an emotionally intense child, grab my guide to simplify life with your spirited child. Remember, the most essential tip in positive parenting is maintaining a strong relationship with your child. It’s easy to overlook this and deprioritize the time needed to nurture this bond.
Deep connections are built through shared experiences and genuine presence. When it seems like positive parenting isn’t working, devote time each day to put aside distractions and fully engage with your child, connecting with their heart. This connection is key to cooperation.
In my therapy work, there’s a concept called ‘differentiation,’ which is staying emotionally connected to others while maintaining personal independence. It’s easy to tie your self-worth to your child’s behavior and let fear drive you back to old habits.
Recognize that your child is an independent person with their own needs. Their actions reflect these needs, not your parenting skills. Keep practicing respectful communication and setting boundaries, while trusting the positive parenting process despite your child’s behavioral ups and downs.
Positive discipline aims to build a child’s internal moral compass. Resorting to nagging or coercion may seem quicker, but it doesn’t help your child learn to make good choices independently.
When your child doesn’t listen, remember everyone craves control—including children. Patience and mindfulness help foster their decision-making and communication skills. You can’t control your child completely—attempting to do so for 18 years can harm your relationship and their well-being.
Children respond better to positive, collaborative approaches. Pause, acknowledge your need for control, and breathe. Understanding that your child’s behavior arises from various needs makes it easier to address issues objectively, rather than letting self-doubt undermine new positive parenting approaches.
Children naturally grow and learn through mistakes. They’ll test limits and assert independence. If you’re doubtful about positive parenting, learn about your child’s developmental and emotional stages to uphold appropriate expectations and calmly set limits.
If aggressive or oppositional behavior is ongoing and disruptive, your child might have unmet developmental needs. Conditions like ADHD or sensory processing issues might be factors. Your pediatrician can provide referrals for assessment and support alongside your positive parenting efforts.
Outside opinions can impact your actions. Since positive discipline isn’t mainstream, others might question or criticize your respectful approach, causing inconsistency in your practices. Remind yourself that you know what’s best for your child—not what’s easiest for others.
Engaging in respectful, conscious parenting is challenging and emotionally demanding. It requires self-reflection on upbringing and desired qualities to instill in your child. Staying committed is tough, especially when you lose sight of your goals: raising emotionally resilient children.
I’m reminded of Theodore Roosevelt’s quote: “Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.” What’s more worthwhile than nurturing an emotionally healthy person?
Embarking on positive parenting is a lifelong journey requiring time and self-growth. But keep believing in modeling values, giving some control to teach self-control, fostering self-growth in unison with your child, and respecting them to earn their respect. Connection and attachment are fundamental needs.
Believe in the principle of treating your child as you wish to be treated by loved ones. Remember, positivity is stronger than negativity. Parenting with your child’s well-being in mind isn’t fast or simple. Keep faith in positive parenting principles, forgive your stumbles, and strive anew each day.
Equip your child with life skills by joining 30,000 other intentional parents in receiving the Parents with Confidence weekly email. Gain a free 5-day email course covering how to safeguard your child’s self-esteem, gain cooperation, teach invaluable skills, and discipline without emotional harm. Join us in nurturing a brighter future for your child.
