Inside: Discover how you can confidently discipline a toddler by embracing positive parenting and setting expectations that match their developmental stage.
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The weather in the Midwest has been far from pleasant lately, and as this extended period of staying indoors continues, it feels like there’s no end in sight to spending long days cooped up inside with a toddler.
“I’ve told you three times to stop pulling the cat’s tail!”
“Books aren’t for drawing!”
“Please, stop whining and use your words!”
Even without quarantine, anyone who has lived with a toddler is familiar with the constant challenge of discovering how to effectively discipline them. It’s right up there with the daily surprises of finding forgotten sippy cups filled with spoiled milk.
Toddlers are just beginning to learn about the world, which is filled with countless things to discover and master.
– “What should I do with these sharp things I have when I eat?” Maybe use them to fling peas at the wall!
– “How do I get that blue Hot Wheels car cousin Billy is playing with?” Better grab it quickly!
– “How can I get each of my wobbly little legs into separate pant holes? It’s impossible!” *cue tears and frustration*
In parenting, it’s easy to forget how overwhelming the world can be for toddlers. We go about our days expecting them to quickly adapt, while we often fall into the trap of acting as behavior police.
We focus on catching negative behaviors, mistakenly thinking that calling out what we label as ‘naughty’ or inappropriate and assigning time-outs will solve the problem. Yet, this approach often leads to a cycle of negativity and stress.
Relying solely on correction and punishment is unlikely to foster cooperation, learning, and a healthy connection with your child in the long run. Instead, let’s explore why positive parenting techniques are more effective in guiding children to grow with a strong internal compass and healthy self-esteem.
Just because your toddler is on the move doesn’t mean they suddenly understand complex social and emotional norms. Many behaviors we label as ‘naughty,’ like not wanting to share or having tantrums, are actually typical parts of toddler development.
You can discipline your toddler without causing emotional harm. The Positive Discipline Starter Set provides a step-by-step guide for this.
During toddlerhood, a tremendous amount of development occurs beneath the surface. Approaching discipline with developmentally appropriate expectations and a true understanding of its purpose is crucial. Discipline is about teaching and training, not punishment.
Harsh reactions and punishments might temporarily stop unwanted behaviors, but relying on fear as a teaching tool often leads to:
a. Children believing they are inherently bad (toddlers can’t differentiate between their actions and themselves).
b. Fear-based avoidance of getting caught rather than choosing the right behaviors.
c. Missing out on learning how to handle situations better in the future.
Focusing only on negative behaviors overlooks the essence of positive discipline—helping children learn and grow into their best selves.
Have you ever had a toddler cling to your leg while doing dishes? It’s their way of saying, “I still need lots of connection to feel safe and cooperative.” Secure attachment, or connection, is a basic human need and a key aspect of positive parenting. If unmet, children will communicate this through their behavior.
Besides crying, a toddler has new ways to express emotions—including tantrums, whining, and throwing things. Due to an immature pre-frontal cortex, they won’t consistently manage emotions appropriately for a few more years. The good news is emotion regulation skills develop faster with support, a process known as co-regulation. This means staying with your child when they’re upset, rather than sending them to a corner.
This approach requires effort but is incredibly effective long-term, as it helps children learn to understand and cope with their emotions. Beyond connection with caregivers, toddlers have various needs—such as hunger, thirst, sleep, and physical activity—often communicated through behavior, as they lack the ability to verbalize them until around age eight or ten.
Positive parenting involves looking beyond behaviors to understand and meet these underlying needs. Demonstrating the qualities you wish to teach your child is more powerful than simply instructing them. No one is expected to be perfect, especially during the challenging toddler years. Still, embodying the traits you want to instill in your child forms the foundation of positive parenting.
Cultivating resilience and emotional health is not easy. Remember, teaching essential life skills, like taking turns or managing emotions, requires repetition.
If disciplining a toddler feels repetitive, rest assured it’s part of the process. Teaching life skills isn’t a one-time event, and discipline is a long-term endeavor with results that may not be immediate.
By viewing toddler discipline through a fresh perspective, we open opportunities for greater learning and growth. After all, we’re all more inspired to learn and improve when treated with support and encouragement.
If you aim to raise an emotionally healthy child ready for life’s ups and downs, you’re not just addressing behaviors but also nurturing the heart beneath them.
Want to help your child live their best life? Sign up for a free 5-day email parenting course! Join 30,000 other parents in receiving the Parents with Confidence weekly email, covering topics like:
– Protecting your child’s self-esteem
– Increasing cooperation
– Developing essential skills for the future
– Disciplining without causing emotional harm
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