If you’re raising a child with a strong personality, you might find yourself tempted to tone down their spirited or stubborn nature. These kids are naturally self-directed and focused on their own goals, which can actually be a wonderful thing! I know it can be tough to manage these traits daily, but if nurtured gently, their strong-willed characteristics will benefit them greatly in the future.
In this guide, I’ll discuss 10 traits of strong-willed children and how shifting your perspective on these traits can highlight their benefits for your child’s future. For example, traits often seen as negative—like defiance, resistance, and stubbornness—can be indicators of the determined adult your child is destined to become.
Have you ever stopped to consider the qualities you’d love to see in your child as they grow? I’m not talking about the traits we usually want now, like being compliant, easygoing, or always staying in bed after lights out. I’m referring to the attributes we hope to see when they grow into adults ready to take on the world.
For many parents, qualities like perseverance, determination, and integrity top the list for their child’s adulthood, even if they don’t seem desirable during the everyday hustle with a tenacious child.
Wouldn’t it be great to control them fully now and save their defiant side for resisting peer pressure later? If only it worked like that! However, raising a strong-willed child is akin to facing an uninvited challenge. Many parents become frustrated, seeking ways to “fix” their headstrong kids.
The truth is, they don’t need fixing. Even when they’re literally digging their heels in the sand to avoid leaving the beach, remember that their strong-willed traits are their blueprint for future success. With patience, teaching, and encouragement, this unique blueprint will flourish.
The first step is to change how we view these traits. According to a Time magazine article discussing stubborn kids, a study followed these kids into adulthood. It found that strong-willed children are more likely to do what’s right rather than follow the crowd. If parents can channel this drive towards their schooling or meaningful activities, these kids can become motivated leaders who are willing to do the right thing, even if it means standing alone.
The term “strong-willed” or “spirited” has become commonly associated with children who display exuberance, independence, determination, outspokenness, and sometimes high emotion and inflexibility. These kids are natural leaders, empathetic, and intelligent. In the past, they might have been labeled as ‘willful,’ defiant, or naughty. Thankfully, it’s now more widely recognized that these traits are positive and beneficial, provided adults agree to work with them positively rather than trying to suppress the child’s innate characteristics.
After all, what parent wouldn’t want to raise a child to be a strong, confident adult who can advocate for themselves? Is your child laser-focused on completing tasks, like not leaving the park until they scale the rock wall? Children with strong wills can get fixed on what they plan to do, struggling with mental flexibility to shift their thinking.
Your child’s determination will help them strive toward significant life goals, from small achievements like conquering the rock wall to substantial accomplishments like completing medical school. When your four-year-old builds a living room fort, their intense focus and creativity are evident. This imagination, while it might currently mean messy play, will guide them in sharing their unique talents with the world. Passionate people tend to be more engaged and fulfilled in their pursuits.
To one parent, a child’s stubbornness might seem disrespectful; to another, it’s just conviction. If you promised him two bedtime stories and then backtracked, his protest comes from a strong sense of fairness. While challenging, this trait may lead him to stand against bullying or pursue a career in social justice.
Your child might frequently take charge on the playground, finding leadership roles natural while struggling with following others. They’ll need support to hone social skills, but they could become entrepreneurs or leaders in their communities.
Consider how your child’s persistence (like constantly discussing pets) comes from an inner strength that will help them tackle future hurdles, like acing exams or pursuing new hobbies.
The phrase “You can’t make me!” might echo in your home, stemming from your child’s strong personal integrity. That firm stance can feel challenging when you’re just trying to get everyone out the door, but adopting a tone of collaboration can foster killer communication skills they’ll use throughout life.
Your child might seem more energetic or talkative than others, which can be draining. However, this enthusiasm will be a driving force in dynamic careers like teaching or public speaking.
Viewing your child without the typical “parent lens” reveals a young person exploring their world with the temperament and personality they’ve been given. Children aren’t meant to be sculpted into objects of control but to shine in their own right with your support.
Raising a strong-willed child can be daunting, challenging us to revisit our communication skills and priorities in parenting. Yet, if nurtured, these children grow into self-assured adults. To all parents of strong-willed kids, remember you’re not alone. Let’s celebrate our children’s positive traits as often as we commiserate on the challenges.
Seeing our children through a positive, forward-thinking lens allows us to navigate this journey and offer our kids the gift of embracing their best qualities, setting them on the path to authentic, fulfilling lives.
About Angela Pruess LMFT
Welcome! I’m Angela, a Licensed Children’s Mental Health Professional, Positive Parenting coach, and mom to spirited children who help me grow (and gain gray hairs) daily. I believe every child deserves to lead their best life, with emotional health being the key to lasting success and happiness. Read more about me and the Parents with Confidence manifesto.
