Explore effective ways to discipline and nurture a strong-willed child by focusing on their strengths to foster better listening and cooperation.
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It was around my daughter’s third birthday when we realized we were in over our heads. Our expectations that she would always listen weren’t being met, and our frustration often led to harsh discipline that felt like banging our heads against a wall with our spirited little girl.
This wasn’t how I imagined it would be, especially given my background in Child Psychology and as a licensed Child Therapist. I thought I knew how to handle kids, but I quickly learned there’s no degree for effectively disciplining a strong-willed child.
Parenting brings many lessons, and one of the most significant is that you’re never fully prepared for it. We discovered that each child is unique, much like a journey that doesn’t have a fixed destination, and raising a child requires understanding their individual needs.
The disciplinary techniques I learned during my studies and career were limited when it came to understanding my daughter’s unique personality. Instead of deeper understanding, our pushback methods only resulted in more defiance and opposition. Conventional discipline often didn’t help, leading to anxiety and low self-confidence rather than real behavior change. For strong-willed children, these methods failed to teach intrinsic values like cooperation and respect, risking the parent-child bond.
So, how do you discipline a strong-willed child while teaching valuable life skills and maintaining a strong parent-child relationship? It involves a new way of looking at things, being open to fresh approaches, and understanding what drives your child’s behavior.
Finding the middle ground is crucial. Discipline works best when you establish yourself as a firm yet respectful leader—neither an authoritarian nor a pushover. Here are ten positive strategies to discipline a strong-willed child:
Parenting isn’t just about making your child do what you want right now. The true goal should be raising a thoughtful, competent adult capable of making good decisions and feeling emotionally secure. When it’s tough to change course in your discipline approach, remember your aim: nurturing a future adult with inner strength and confidence.
An essential part of helping a strong-willed child listen is cooperating with them instead of fighting against them. When they sense your supportive shift, their cooperation and attentiveness will positively surprise you.
A naturally strong sense of integrity emerges when your child feels valued as part of a team. They’ll do things willingly, not just under threat or manipulation. Positive communication will do much more than harshness and negativity ever could.
A close, connected relationship with a supportive parent is every child’s motivation to do well. This connection is foundational for disciplining a strong-willed child. Without it, attempts at discipline may fall flat.
Remember to approach situations calmly and rationally, not impulsively reacting from a place of frustration. For example, if your child is engrossed in an activity and resists stopping, take a deep breath and consider their perspective. Empathize with their feelings; this often diffuses resistance.
Empathy in discipline can lead to simple problem-solving and creativity. Impactful teaching happens when everyone is calm, helping your child understand boundaries and expectations.
When immediate responses are required, focus on teamwork, creativity, and clear communication. Practice will make it easier over time.
Children learn best through experience. Instead of enforcing harsh punishments, allow natural and logical consequences to teach them. Such real-world lessons effectively educate without damaging the parent-child relationship.
Avoid power struggles that may seem to assert your authority but actually empower your child. If they sense they control you, it creates insecurity and anxiety.
Your strong-willed child wants to be heard. Redirect disrespect by encouraging more respectful expressions and offering chances for a “do-over.” Guided well, these kids can develop incredible communication skills.
See parenting a strong-willed child as an opportunity for personal growth. They remind us there’s always room to learn and grow together.
Recognizing the unique needs and motivations of a strong-willed child helps you guide them through life’s ups and downs, preparing them to become their best selves.
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Note: Originally published on November 14, 2018, and updated.
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About Angela Pruess LMFT
Welcome! I’m Angela, a Licensed Children’s Mental Health Professional, Positive Parenting Coach, and a mom to spirited kids who teach me something new every day. I believe every child deserves the chance to live their best life, with emotional health being the key to lifelong happiness and success. Learn more about me and the Parents with Confidence manifesto.
